


Friends won't treat me like you do

by Mangomelions (orphan_account)



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Mutual Pining, Sharing a Bed, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-07
Updated: 2020-04-09
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:09:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23521345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Mangomelions
Summary: Phil pretends to be Dan's boyfriend to stop a creepy guy hitting on Dan. The lie escalates and they decide to keep it up for a while. How long can they keep pretending?Ye the titles are all Ed Sheeran songs. I'm sappy.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 4
Kudos: 60





	1. The man

Dan didn’t go to clubs often. He didn’t see the appeal. A loud, obnoxious space filled with people who were usually also loud and obnoxious. But, he supposed, Martyn and Cornelia’s engagement party was reason enough to leave his comfort zone. For one night only. Even so, Phil had had to practically drag him out of the door. 

When they arrived, they said hello to the group and ordered some drinks. 

“You okay here?” Phil asked, some time later. The pair were sat at the bar, looking after the other’s drinks while they danced. 

Dan nodded, reluctantly, wondering where Phil was off to. Phil was a tad more socially inclined than Dan, but this wasn’t exactly his scene either. 

“Toilet,” Phil said as he stood and wandered in the opposite direction of the toilet. 

“Three...Two...One…” Dan muttered under his breath, watching, as Phil looked around then turned on his heel, this time heading in the right direction. Dan laughed, as Phil walked past him, catching his eye. Phil knew Dan was laughing at him, so he glared in response, but after a second of watching Dan giggle, he joined in. A second later he passed Dan and started weaving his way through the crowd. 

A few moments later, Dan felt a hand on his shoulder, and turned, expecting to see Phil or one of his friends. Instead, he saw a man he didn’t know. The man smiled and sat in Phil’s seat. Smiles are amazing things, they can be used to show and envoke joy, kindness, empathy. But the smile on this man’s face filled Dan with a whole different emotion. Fear. 

“Hey, Princess.” The man said, keeping his hand on Dan’s arm. “What you doing here all alone?”

“Umm, I’m not alone,” Dan mumbled, he tried to move his arm out of the man’s reach but the stranger just moved closer. 

“I don’t see anyone around here who seems to know you.” The man said. Dan looked around. His friends were nowhere to be seen. 

“Please leave me alone.” Dan’s words were pointed, trying not to let the fear seep through. 

“Oh, sweetheart don’t be like that. I only wanna have some fun. Don’t you wanna have some fun?”

“Not with you.” Dan tried to get to his feet but found himself a little disoriented from the drinks and flashing lights. The man put an arm around him, holding him upright. Dan recoiled but the man just tightened his grip, trying to lead Dan. To where, Dan didn’t know. He just knew he had to get away. His internal panic continued to rise, as he considered screaming out. 

“Hey!” A loud voice pierced the air, startling both Dan and the man who was holding him. 

The arms around Dan froze. 

“I was just helping him.” The man said, releasing Dan and stepping away. 

“He doesn’t need your help.” This time Dan recognised the voice as Phil, and relief flowed through him instantly. 

“How do you know what he needs?” The man asked. The question began sounding tough, but ended hesitantly, as the man saw the fierce look in Phil’s eyes. 

“Because he’s my boyfriend, dickface. Now run along. That’s my seat.”

The man shrugged a little, before getting to his feet and walking off. 

Phil instantly turned his attention to Dan. 

“You alright? He didn’t hurt you did he?” The concern in Phil’s voice was a stark difference to how he had talked to the man.

“I’m okay, he just scared me a bit,” Dan mumbled. 

“Can I hug you?”

Dan didn’t know why Phil still asked. He never minded when Phil hugged him. In fact quite the opposite. He didn’t answer, instead just wrapped his arms around Phil and buried his face in his sweater. 

Phil held him tightly, for a moment, before kissing the top of Dan’s head. 

Dan knew this was all just to comfort him, as he had been spooked, and he appreciated it. 

“Hey, guys!” Martyn said, appearing from the crowd and finding his drink on the counter. Dan and Phil sprung apart. 

“I saw what happened with that guy. I was going to tell him to fuck off but I saw Phil had it handled.” Martyn laughed. 

“Yeah, that guy was really creepy. Kept calling me princess.” Dan shivered at the memory. Phil looked fuming. 

“He’s lucky I wasn’t there for that bit. I would have punched him.”

Martyn laughed.

“By the way, guys, since when are you two together? I mean we knew it would happen eventually but when exactly was it? We kind of had a pool thing going. We can split the winnings if you lie and say it was from the start?”

Dan and Phil looked at each other in horror. Martyn saw and burst out laughing. 

“I’m kidding, you idiots, we didn’t bet on this. I am happy for you though.” PJ’s phone buzzed, and he shot them an apologetic look as he wandered away, putting it to his ear. 

Dan and Phil looked at each other, digesting what had just happened. 

“When do we tell him?” Dan asked. 

At this, Phil burst out laughing.

Dan joined in. 


	2. sorry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey I'm just posting all of what I've got and leaving. Some stuff went down and i can't finish this

A few days later, Phil came to the door of Dan’s room to find him sat playing the piano.

“Daaaaaan?”

Dan stopped playing and looked up, to where Phil was leaning on the door frame.

“Phiiiii?” He smirked.

“Martyn and Cornelia want us to come out tomorrow night.”

Dan turned round to face him.

“Where?”

“I don’t know, Mar said something about couple’s board game night?”

Dan mumbled something unintelligible.

“Couples...Wait, Phil, have you still not told your brother we aren’t together?”

Phil looked at the floor.

“PHIL!” Dan screeched. “You have to tell him! He’s probably told other people, Cornelia, and your parents, and God knows who else!”

Phil shuffled his feet.

“I tried to tell him, he was just talking a lot, he seemed really happy to have another ‘couple’ to hang out with.”

“What? We usually hang out with them. The four of us. How is our relationship status gonna affect that?”

“Look, I don’t know, I just didn’t want to crush his dreams. You could have told him! Just text him and say there’s been a misunderstanding.”

“He’s your brother!” Dan scoffed.

“Exactly, I don’t want him to hate me.”

Dan sighed.

“I’ll text him, you spoon.”

A few hours later, Phil was in the kitchen making dinner, when he heard Dan shuffle into the room.

“Phiiiiiiiiil”

“You didn’t tell him did you?” Phil deadpanned.

“I tried. I phoned. He started going on about how happy he was we had got our act together! He kept saying I was like a brother to him.”

Phil laughed.

“This isn’t funny. What are we gonna do, pretend to be dating?” Dan walked over to where Phil was stirring pasta.

“I mean….” Phil stared thoughtfully into the pasta.

“Phil! Tell me you aren’t considering this!”

Phil put the spoon down and turned towards his friend.

“Look, since Martyn got engaged, any family member I talk to starts hounding me about when I’m gonna find someone.” Phil sighs.

“And? When are you gonna find someone?” Dan ducks as a teatowel is chucked at his face.

A few moments later, Phil speaks again.

“I don’t know what I’m going to want in the future. But for now, I’m happy how things are. Yeah, kids and whatever sound great down the line, but right now, this is what I want.”

Dan smiles. He hadn’t expected Phil to stay so long. He hadn’t expected Phil to want to live with him in the first place, and now, six years later, here they are.

“Yeah. I get that.”

“Please, Dan. Can’t we play pretend? Just in front of my family, and just until the wedding. So I don’t keep getting asked about it.”

Dan shrugged.

“Won’t your family think it’s odd, though? You being with a guy?”

Phil blinked at him for a minute, before bursting out laughing. Dan just stared at him.

“Wait, are you….?” Dan watched as Phil doubled over.

“Dan.” Phil spluttered. “Are you serious?”

Dan frowned.

“But you can’t be!”

Phil raised his eyebrows, and there was a little hurt in his eyes.

“I just mean, that I would know about it.” Dan clarified. “It doesn’t make you any less awesome if you’re …Bi? Gay?”

“Gay, definitely Gay.” Phil was still chuckling to himself.

“I’ve been your best friend for seven years. How did I not know that?” Dan was still shaking his head in disbelief.

“I just assumed you did. I guess I never really said it but I didn’t exactly hide it. Like, it was never that important, I kinda forget we live in a heteronormative society where people who are different have to announce it to everyone they meet.”

Dan takes a moment, and looks back over the last seven years and realises that in all the time he’s known him, Phil has never had a girlfriend. Or boyfriend, for that matter. That he knew of. The subject just never came up. Which, looking back, was really weird, considering all the time they had spent together.

“Wait, have you been dating guys that I thought were just friends?” Dan thinks about some of the uni mates Phil had introduced him to.

“No. I haven’t dated anyone in a long time. That’s why my parents are so worried, I suppose. They think I’m just wasting my life away with a straight guy as if we live in a buddy comedy film. Which, yeah, is kinda true but so what, if I’m happy?”

“I mean, it’s not totally true,” Dan mumbled., trying to make Phil feel better.

“How so?”

Dan took a deep breath

“I’m not straight.” He spoke reluctantly.

Phil frowned.

“Please tell me I’m not as oblivious as you.”

Dan laughed, a little awkwardly.

“Not quite, I guess. I was actually hiding it. You just forgot to mention it.”

Phil looked Dan in the eyes and realised that Dan had probably never told anyone before.

He pulled the younger man into a hug. When he finally let go, Dan seemed a little more put together.

“This is statistically unlikely, you know?” Dan mused.

Phil chuckled.

“So, out of curiosity, not straight, does that mean…?”

Dan shrugged.

“For now it just means not straight. Labels are confusing.”

Phil nodded with a kind smile, and a comfortable silence fell upon them.

When the food was ready they plated it up and brought it with them to the lounge. Dan put on a show, but the volume was low enough they could speak over it easily.

“Do you actually want me to pretend for your family?”

“Only if you’re comfortable?”

Dan thought for a moment.

“I want to get used to the idea of people seeing me as not straight. Like, I eventually want to come out to my family and be open and all that stuff. So, I think I want to do this.” He caught Phil’s eye. “I think it’ll help me get comfortable.”

Dan knew that this would be a lot easier with Phil with him. With people who knew Phil, who weren’t surprised, or judgemental.

“You’re sure? You can opt-out at any point.” Dan appreciated how much Phil cared about Dan being comfortable, but he had made up his mind.

“I’m in.”

The next day, they were walking in the direction of Martyn and Cornelia’s flat, talking. Phil had spent most of the last 24 hours checking if Dan was still okay with the plan.

“So, we’re telling them, we’ve been together for how long?”

Dan thought.

“From the start is more believable, I suppose, but the newer it is the easier it’ll be to convince people when we break up.” Dan did air quotes. “I mean, they’ll wonder how we broke up and stayed friends, we don’t want to have to stop living together, just to convince these people we’re exes.”

“Yeah, to be honest, I hadn’t thought that far ahead.”

“We can tell people it was always really casual until I was ready? Like, we were flirty but only recently put labels on things.”

“Okay, anything else we need to go over? Boundaries? Rules?” Phil asked.

“Rules?”

“Yeah. And what am I allowed to do, what am I not? Like, do I call you Phil, or something else?”

“Stick to Phil, or maybe something cringe if the situation demands it.”

“Okay.”

“As for rules, I’m gonna say, don’t have more than two glasses of anything, keeping up this charade when we’re drunk…. lets not, ya know.”

Dan agreed, thinking back to times he and Phil had been drunk together.

“Okay, next rule, no PDA, like, lil gestures, hand-holding, whatever, that’s okay, but no like, frenching, it’s not something we’d do in front of people.”

“Frenching? Are you seven?”

Phil shot him a look.

“Where do we sleep?” Dan asked a question met with a quizzical expression from Phil.

“I mean, where do we tell people we sleep? Your room or mine?” He clarified.

Phil thought it over.

“Yours is less commercial.”

They approached the door of the flat, and Dan knocked. After a second, Phil turned to him.

“ We forgot something. One more rule. The most important. Rule number 1, the first rule of playing pretend.”

“Yeah?”

“No falling in love.”

Before Dan could think of a response, the door opened and they were ushered inside.

They were halfway through dinner before the questions started. Phil was surprised it had taken them that long.

“So. Why didn’t you tell us?” Dan knew what she meant.

“Um, we weren’t like, properly together until recently. I’m not out yet, and neither of us are out on the internet, we’re still figuring stuff out.” Phil looked at him reassuringly.

“Yeah, by the way, guys, I only told Corny. It took me a little time to realise that you might not be okay with people knowing.” Martyn looked at the pair of them apologetically.

“You mean,” Cornelia rolled her eyes at her fiance. “It took me telling you for you to realise.”

Dan and Phil laughed.

“It’s okay, guys, really. We were going to tell family soon anyway.”

“Your family at least,” Dan interjects.

Phil continues, “Yeah, well, with you guys getting married, and all, I thought we could go to the wedding and I could introduce Dan as my boyfriend, and it would be easier than telling people individually.”

Dan nodded along to this.

Martyn frown.

“Who said you’re invited to the wedding?” He said, sternly.

Phil’s eyes went wide before Cornelia swatted at Martyn, and he let out an amused. “Just kidding.”

They all laughed for a second.

“Actually, guys, that’s one of the reasons we invited you over. Phil, I wanted to ask if you’ll be my best man?”

Dan wasn’t surprised by this. Phil was, but after a second realised that he really shouldn’t be surprised by this.

“Of course, Mar.” Phil grinned.

“Does this make me a bridesmaid?” Dan asked, jokingly,

“No, you can be a groomsman, you idiot.” Martyn laughed.

“Although…” Cornelia looked thoughtful. “You would look good in one of those raspberry dresses. You know the ones I was showing you earlier Mar? Don’t you think?”

The entire table laughs, but Dan just shrugs, nonplussed.

“As long as I don’t have to wear heels, I’ll break an ankle.”

Dan joined in the laughter.

“Though, guys, you announcing you’re together at our wedding is kind of stealing our thunder, no?” Martyn was obviously only teasing.

“Yeah, well, sorry, Mar, you can’t choose when you fall in love, it just happens.” Phil smiled at Dan, a gesture obviously for the benefit of the others in the room.

Dan thought back to rule number 1 and almost laughed at the irony.

“I mean, we can tell Mum and Dad soon.”

“They’re not gonna be surprised, you know?” Martyn pointed out.

Dan rolled his eyes. He understood that their fans like to pay about shipping them and whatever but he had hoped the people they actually knew were above such things. He understood where it was coming from though. Phil’s family just wanted Phil to be happy. And Phil seemed happy, when he was with Dan. Not dating, not together, just coexisting side by side.

Dan laughed.

After a moment, Cornelia’s curiosity appeared again.

“So did you know this was gonna happen, when you met? Like, feelings got buried in friendship?”

Dan didn’t trust himself to answer, so he waited for Phil.

“Yeah, I think so. I was really flirty at the start and he didn’t get the hint, so I dropped it. A few years down the line, and we were just sitting on the sofa, a few glasses of wine down and he tells me he likes me, and things went from there.”

Martyn laughs. “That sounds like a PG retelling of events.”

Phil blushed, and Dan chimed in,

“No that was actually what happened. I remember saying something along the lines of ‘I think you’re pretty’ and Phil just stared at me for like, a good ten minutes. I got worried, I thought he had like, passed out with his eyes open or something.”

“I was not sober enough for that conversation.” Phil defends himself, with little laugh.

“So I eventually just reached out and touched his face, to see if he was still alive”

“Not in a cute way. He didn’t like, caress my face or anything, he just batted at it, like a cat.” Phil interjects.

“Yeah well, you were in a romantic mood anyway it seemed, cause you just kissed me. Like tackled me to the ground, I was getting pinof flashbacks.”

“Yeah, that was me being flirty, when I was a fetus. I wasn’t good at it.”

“You say as I retell the story of you doing it again only a few months ago.”

“Hey, at least I kissed you this time.” Phil giggled.

“Yeah well, if you had kissed me the first time we could've saved ourselves a lot of time.”

They both laughed and looked up to find Martyn and Cornelia watching them, amused looks on their faces.

“You got any other questions, while we’re in an honest mood?” Phil asked the pair. Dan didn’t know what he was expecting, but Martyn rose to the challenge.

“Who tops?”

There was a communal sigh from Dan, Phil, and Cornelia. Dan and Phil looked at each other before speaking, in perfect synchronisation.

“Not that honest.”

Cornelia started giggling.

As the night went on, they moved into the lounge and the board games were brought out. Each ‘couple’ took a sofa and Dan found himself pressed up against Phil. They giggled and chatted and the night wasn’t that different from other evenings they’d spent here. The only main difference was that when Dan and Phil won a game, Phil leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. Dan blushed when this happened, glancing at Martyn and Cornelia, but they were more interested in blaming each other for their loss.

At the end of the night, they said their goodbyes and got into a taxi to go home. They didn’t say a word to each other until they were inside their own flat, toeing off their shoes.

“That worked.” Phil said.

Dan nodded.

“Yeah, where did the whole ‘drunk confessions’ thing come from?”

“I don’t know, although you did run with that, great improv, there mate.”

“Yeah, well, we’re storytellers, aren’t we? Like, our job is telling stories, for people’s entertainment.”

“I suppose so. That is just a fancy way of saying liars, though, isn’t it?” Phil looked thoughtful.

“Usually our stories aren’t completely lies. Just embellished.”

“Yeah, sometimes something interesting happens, and then things go wrong, and you end up telling the story how you wished things had happened. Not how they actually played out.”

Dan looked at Phil to find him staring back at him, glassy eyed, completely zoned out.

“Phil? You okay there, bud?”

Phil blinked.

“Yeah, I’m okay. Just tired I guess.”

“What did you mean about-”

“Look, Dan, I’m not making any sense right now, I really need to sleep. I’ll talk to you tomorrow, Okay?” With that, Phil turned and ducked into his room, shutting the door behind him.

Dan was left in the hallway, wondering what on earth had just happened.

Behind the closed door, Phil sunk to the floor, head in his hands, knees pulled to his chest.

Why could he never keep his mouth shut? The last thing he wanted was to make Dan feel uncomfortable.

It had broken him, joking about when they first met. Dan teasing him for not kissing him when they filmed their first video. It broke him because he almost had. And despite what Dan said to fool Martyn and Cornelia, if Phil had kissed him way back when, Dan wouldn’t have returned the kiss. Dan didn’t didn’t like him. Not then. Not now. He did what he could do to cast the thought away. Dan was his best friend. Dan needed him, and that meant Phil couldn’t do anything to fuck it up. He had to follow his own rule.

Some moments, Phil’s mind supplied him with little clips, images, or memes, as a reaction to things going on. He supposed it came from being on the internet so much: his own thoughts sometimes communicated by gif.

When Phil promised himself that he would follow the rules they had set, some part of his mind decided to play a gif of John Mulaney, the comedian, saying “We’re well past that”.

He mentally told John Mulaney to fuck off and then felt guilty, it wasn’t John Mulaney’s fault. No, Phil had gotten himself into this mess all on his own.

He considered calling it off. Owning up to Martyn, admitting that it wasn’t real. But Dan had seemed actually confident, and it might actually help him with his whole sexuality crisis thing.

Plus, if he called it off now, he’d have to tell Dan why. And that would make things awkward. He might lose his best friend. No. Phil would have to keep this up. He would keep pretending.

He hadn’t really broken any rules, right? That feeling in his chest wasn’t anything to do with this.

Phil woke up to find a cold cup of coffee on his bedside table, along with an SAO post-it note with the words “bitch wake up”.

This was a common occurrence in the Dan and Phil household, but it never failed to make Phil smile. After microwaving the coffee, he wandered into the lounge to find Dan lying lengthwise across the sofa. Upon hearing him enter, Dan curled his legs, creating space for Phil to sit down. Phil sat, and two bare feet immediately appeared in his lap.

“Good morning to you too.” Phil realised he was still fiddling with the post it-note, and instead decided to stick it to Dan’s foot. Dan looked up and lightly poked Phil in the stomach with his foot.

This dislodged the post-it, so Dan went back to scrolling through Tumblr.

“Are you not talking to me today then?” Phil sipped his coffee.

Dan didn’t reply.

Phil tickled his feet, which in hindsight was a bad idea. Dan kicked out, in an attempt to get away from the ticking, and accidentally kicked the mug in Phil’s hand. Coffee spilled all over Phil’s pyjama t-shirt, and Phil screamed. Dan looked up shocked, to find Phil getting to his feet and pulling at his shirt, pain evident on his face.

Dan got halfway through asking if Phil was alright, when Phil pulled his shirt over his head.

“Coffee is hot Dan.” He said maniacally.

Dan looked at Phil’s torso, which was red and wet from the coffee.

“I’m so sorry. You go run that under cold water, I’ll grab you another shirt.” Dan took the sodden shirt from Phil and darted away to the utility room. Phil headed to the bathroom, being the nearest source of cold water.

When Dan joined Phil in the bathroom, the sense of urgency had died down a little, and Dan waited, leaning against the door frame, as Phil dabbed his tummy with a cold washcloth. After a few moments of this, he wiped himself down with a towel, and clapped in Dan’s direction, gesturing for Dan to throw the shirt he was holding. It wasn’t until Phil put it on that Dan realised the clean shirt he had picked up was his own and not Phil’s.

“Oh, that’s mine, sorry,” Dan apologised, and turned, to get Phil a different shirt, but Phil spoke up.

“It’s okay. I like it.”

That evening, after dinner, Dan was sitting on his bed when his phone buzzed with a text.

Phil: It’s Sunday.

Dan: yes phil surprise sunday comes every week.

Phil: mum skypes me on sundays.

Dan: oh.

Phil: You wanna join me?

Dan: oooh can we have fun with it.

Phil: WHat?

Dan: be there in a sec

Dan wandered across the hall and flopped backwards on Phil’s bed. Phil looked down at him from where he was sat against the headboard and smiled.

“So?”

“Soooo, why don’t we make it casual. Like, not an announcement, or anything just start a conversation and walk in the room and pretend I didn’t know you were on a call? So your mum can find out we’re dating “by accident”?” Dan does air quotes.

Phil raises his eyebrows.

“So you walk into my bedroom and do what exactly?”

“Just like, call you baby, or something?”

“And then what?” Phil seemed amused by this line of conversation.

“I don’t know, see what your mum’s reaction is to it, go with the flow. I can come join you, talk to her, whatever.”

“Does it have to be that theatrical?” Phil played with Dan’s hair, tugging softly.

“Hey, I’m a theatre kid at heart.”

“That you are. Well, if it’ll make you happy, I kind of owe you, anyway.”

“Okay. You talk to your mum, text me when you want me to make my entrance.”

Phil waited, but despite his exit line, Dan didn’t make an attempt to leave.

“Uh, Dan?” Phil rolled his eyes.

“Okaaaay. I’m gonna go put a jumper on, it’s cold.” Dan peels himself off of Phil’s bed and disappears out of the door.

Phil finds himself smiling at the crease he had left in the bedsheet. After a second, he moved and grabbed his laptop. Within a few minutes his mum’s face appeared on the screen.

“Heya, mum.”

“Child. How are you dear? Did Martyn tell you his news?” Kath waved. She was speaking a little louder than she had to, still not quite understanding Skype despite using it twice a week

“Yes, Mum, he told me months before he proposed.”

“I can’t wait, he told me they wanted to get married rather soon? I said it’s a very short time to plan a wedding in, but he’s convinced he wants to get married in November.”

“What month is it now?” Phil scratched his head.

“Philip! It’s March 28th today.”

“Oh, yeah, I know that, sure.” Phil lied flippantly.

“Anyway, love, I told your brother we should wait but he was so insistent. I think he just wants to marry her as soon as possible, you know? Stake his claim.” Kath laughed.

“I think he did that a long time ago.” Phil countered, smiling. He was truly happy for his brother. Martyn had found the person he was meant for. Phil wanted that. He was scared he would never find it. Or that he had found it already, and let it pass him by.

This train of thought reminded Phil of the plan, so he texted Dan. It was meant to be the word “Now” but he did it without looking so it could have been anything.

And lo and behold a few minutes later, Dan entered the room.

“Hey, babe, have you seen-” Dan spoke loudly, to make sure Kath would hear.

Phil put on a show of freezing, and looked between his mum and Dan with wide eyes.

“Um, I can come back..” Dan said, but didn’t move.

“Who’s that, Phil?” 

Phil looked at Dan, only now realising he was wearing Phil’s green hoodie. Then again, Phil was still wearing Dan’s t-shirt, so he guessed it was an even trade.

“Um, it’s just Dan.” Phil smiled at Dan, knowing his mum would see the look on his face.

“Someone just called you ‘babe’ and as you keep telling me, you are a full-grown human.”

Phil just blinked at her.

“That wasn’t Dan. That was a guy you’re dating.” Kath deduced.

Phil looked up at Dan and beckoned him over. Dan came and sat on the bed beside Phil, shoulders pressed together, and Phil adjusted the laptop so he was in shot.

“Actually, it’s kind of both?” Dan said, sharing a glance with Phil that he hoped came of as fond.

Kath just stared at them for a minute before reacting.

“Finally. Your Dad owes me a tenner.”

Phil laughed, and Dan looked scandalized.

“Martyn said he was joking about the bet.”

“He wasn’t in on it, we figured he already knew, he’s around you guys a lot more than we are.”

“Well, he does know, but he only found out a few days ago, some rando was creepy to Dan at the engagement party, and Martyn overheard me stepping in.”

“Yeah, you raised a very chivalrous man, Kath.” Dan leaned his head against Phil’s shoulder. Dan smiles because he’s not lying.

“Hey, I was just looking after what’s mine.” Phil kisses Dan’s hair.

Kath smiles proudly at her son.

“Why are you only telling us now?” Kath asked.

Phil explained that they had only got together a few months ago, telling the same story they told Martyn and Cornelia, omitting the part where they were drunk.

Phil continued to chat with his mother, until after a little while, Kath asked if Dan was still awake, and Phil realised he wasn’t.

“So.” Kath said, with a kind smile.

“Yeah.” Phil smiled, content.

“How serious is this, Phil? I didn’t want to ask before. Are you happy?” SHe was speaking quietly now, and With the weight of Dan against him, and the rhythmic movement of his breathing, Phil couldn’t help but feel perfectly calm in this moment.

“I am happy, Mum. He makes me so happy, and he always has. I’ve been in love with him for a long time.”

It’s okay, Phil told himself. This was a charade. He was just playing pretend.

But for just a moment, in this perfect calm, Phil enjoyed this little pantomime.

“I know, Phil. We all saw it. Right from the start the way you both looked at each other. It broke my heart, child. I’m happy you two worked it out. Took you long enough.”

“Yeah, Mum, look, I should sort Dan out, he’ll get a crick if he sleeps like that for long.”

“I’m glad you’re looking after him.” She smiles.

“He does the same for me Mum.” Phil thought of the morning coffee and post-it notes.

After hushed goodbyes, Phil hung up the call and put his laptop on his bedside table, being careful not to jostle the boy asleep on him. He looked down at Dan for a moment. Why couldn’t this be his life? Phil knew coming back to reality was going to hurt, but he allowed himself this moment. This one, perfect moment. He kissed Dan’s curls, then shuffled their bodies down so they were lying down. This caused Dan to stir, but only a little. He murmured softly, something unintelligible, and nestled closer to Phil. Phil took off his glasses and put an arm around his sleeping friend.

Dan hadn’t known what to do, when Kath thought he was asleep, so he just went with it. He didn’t expect to overhear the conversation that he did. He couldn’t react. Didn’t know what he would react with anyway, this was all just for show, wasn’t it? So he waited, until Phil turned the laptop off and set it down. But by then he was comfortable. He expected Phil to wake him up, move away from him. Instead all he felt was the warmth of Phil’s breath on his forehead, and then a little pressure. Had Phil kissed his head? But the camera was off now- this was just them. Dan still didn’t react, focusing on keeping his breathing slow and steady. He didn’t know why he didn’t announce his consciousness. Maybe he just liked this feeling.

They woke curled up together. It wasn’t weird or awkward. Phil got up first, and Dan complained. Phil teased him for being lazy. It should have been weird, but it wasn’t. They just got about their day. Phil congratulated Dan on successfully convincing Kath they were together. Dan asks what happened after he ‘fell asleep’ as if he didn’t already know.

Three months later, Martyn phoned to invite the guys to a fitting. The wedding seemed to be all they had talked about for months. They quickly agreed and the next day they set off to meet up with Martyn. The three guys got coffee together then headed round the corner to a place Martyn had been recommended. The outfitter’s was small, but every available space in the room was filled with suits and ties and pocket squares. Martyn stood around awkwardly, decidedly not in his element. A balding man, well dressed with a perfectly maintained beard, approached Martyn and looked down his nose at him like a cartoon character.

“What is it you’re looking for today?” He asked Martyn.

“Um, so, I’m getting married, we need suits.” Martyn said in a posh accent far from his usual northern tone. Dan and Phil looked at each other and tried not to laugh.

“And are these your groomsmen?” The man’s stony gaze looked over Dan and Phil.

“Yes. My Dad will also need a suit similar but he lives on the Isle of man, so we’ll get him fitted closer to the time. The wedding is in November, by the way.”

“And what sort of colour scheme is it? Do you have a preferred style?”

Martyn blinked at him. Dan sighed, and took a step toward the two.

“Black jacket and trousers, silver waistcoat, dusky pink tie and pocket squares.” Dan chimed in, in his best impression of a northern accent.

Everyone in the room turned to look at him, surprised.

“Where are you getting that from?” Martyn asked, not at all against the idea, just surprised at Dan’s confidence.

“I actually listen when Cornelia rants about colour schemes. Apparently you don’t.” Dan laughs, a little. He’s still speaking northern, and his friends are yet to call him out on it. However, Phil looks extremely uncomfortable, trying his best not to laugh.

Martyn blushes, but looks relieved. He had had no idea what he was doing and Dan had bailed him out.

“That sounds workable” The bearded man nodded, and turned around, already rifling through rails of jackets. “And did this ‘Cornelia’ mention anything about what fit?”

The question was obviously directed at Dan.

“Um, no, she didn’t. Can we try out some different ones, what would you recommend?” This came out particularly northern. Martyn looked up as if he had only then realised what Dan was doing.

“Um, yes, that sounds a good idea. The groomsmen will be in something similar to me, I think. Or perhaps, a shorter jacket? I’ve always wanted a long coat jacket.”

“You mean tails?” Phil asked. Martyn frowned, then his face lit up as he noticed a picture on the wall behind Phil.

“Like that!” He pointed.

“Oh, yes.” The bearded man nodded.” Here, young man, let me take you in for a fitting and then we can try out a few suits and see what works.” He led Martyn round through a small corridor at the back of the shop, leaving Dan and Phil alone in the shop. The second they were alone, they burst out laughing.

“WHY ARE YOU NORTHERN?” Phil blurted out, between guffaws. Dan shushes him.

“Martyn started it. I was just taking the piss!” Dan watched Phil laugh, realising that the main reason he had done something so ridiculous was so he could see Phil laugh like this.

“You know you’re going to have to keep it up right?” Phil pointed out.

“I wonder if Mar is keeping up the posh voice.” Dan mused.

They burst out laughing again.

A few minutes later Martyn emerged in a suit. Dan looked him over before deciding it wasn’t quite right. He spoke to the bearded man for a moment, before the man nodded, and dragged a clueless Martyn back to the fitting room.

Phil sat down in an armchair in the corner of the room. It was going to be a long day.

However, the next time Phil saw Martyn, he wasn’t in the other suit, he was wearing his own clothes again. He looked fuming. Phil had only seen him this angry a few times before, he knew not to argue with him when he was like this. So, when Martyn stormed out of the back room and told the pair they were leaving, they followed without a word. It wasn’t until they were a few streets away that Dan spoke up.

“Did you break something? Are you okay?” He looked concerned for Martyn, who scoffed and shook his head.

“We can’t get suits from there, we have to go somewhere else.”

Phil frowned at him.

“Okay, we can find somewhere else. What happened, Mar? You can tell us.”

“I... He….” Martyn seemed too angry to even get the words out. “We were just chatting. He said I had good groomsmen, I think he meant you, Dan, picking stuff out like that. Thanks, by the way. He asked how we had met, just conversationally, you know?” Martyn was speaking quickly, through gritted teeth.

“I didn’t think, I just said, like, that’s my brother and his partner.” He continued.

Dan locked eyes with Phil, both of them realising what had happened.

“He asked me why I agreed to have you as a best man. Called you guys… you know, the f-slur. Said at least our parents had one ‘normal’ kid.”

Dan shifted his hand and interlocked his fingers with Phil’s. Phil squeezed back reassuringly.

Phil looked at his brother with big sad eyes.

“It’s okay, Martyn. Some people are just like that. He was so snobby anyway, he wasn’t a nice person.”

“It’s not okay, Phil. Is that really the sort of stuff you guys go through?” He looked between Dan and Phil. “I’m so sorry guys.”

Martyn looked so upset, Dan couldn’t help thinking how good a brother he was, caring so much about Phil, and wondered whether his own family would ever be like that.

“It’s okay. Seriously, Mar, with our jobs and stuff,, we have to get used to the fat that not everybody is going to like and agree with us. We can’t change that. What we can change is whether or not we care about those people. And we stopped caring a long time ago.” Dan smiled reassuringly, squeezing Phil’s hand. He turned to catch Phil’s eye, and found him staring at Dan, with an expression he had seen a few times before, and now recognised as pride. Suddenly he felt warm all over.

Martyn calmed down a little, but was still annoyed.

“We still aren’t going back there.” He insisted.

“We can find somewhere else. We have a bit more of an idea now. And seriously man, talk to Cornelia about things before you go make decisions.” Phil teased.

“I’m allowed to have opinions you know, I’m not just being bossed around by her.”

“Oh, we know. She’s not bossy, you just rarely have opinions anyway.” Dan said, jokingly. Martyn turned to glare at Dan for a second before nodding.

“Actually you got me there, I have no idea about suits.”

“We gathered.” Dan and Phil spoke in synch and Martyn shook his head, smiling.

“You’ve got to stop doing that. It’s creepy.”

It wasn’t until ten minutes later that Dan realised he was still holding Phil’s hand. He looked around, and, upon taking in that they were walking through a series of streets with no one around, decided not to let go just yet.

When Dan and Phil got home that evening, they set about making dinner together, but it wasn’t long before Dan noticed that Phil kept staring at him, an odd expression on his face.

“What’s with you?” Dan asked.

“Nothing.” Phil looked away.

“I know something’s wrong, you can talk to me you know.” Dan looked at Phil with kinds eyes. “Is it about what happened today?”

Phil hesitated. “I was just wondering if it bothered you. Being, newly, half out, or whatever, I wanted to make sure you’re still okay with what’s going on.”

Dan smiled, widely, touched that Phil was worrying for him.

“Phil, I’m okay, really. I’ve been coming to terms with this stuff for a long time, and I’ve come to realise, well, exactly what I said to Martyn. The people who aren’t nice people, aren’t worth worrying about. I may not be ready for everything yet, but I’m not gonna let some random jerk scare me away from making the progress I need to make.”

“That was surprisingly well put together.” Phil smiled, proudly. He put an arm around Dan, half hugging him, and then took over stirring the risotto that was cooking on the stove.

“Go put something on the telly.” He told Dan, who obliged easily.

Phil came to join him ten minutes later, with two bowls of risotto.

“Can we talk?” Phil asked, sitting down next to Dan and folding his feet under him.

Dan looked over at him, instantly worried.

“Is everything okay?”

“Yeah.” Phil said quickly, giggling at Dan’s scared face. “I just mean we’ve got some planning to do.”

“Bachelor party?” Dan guessed, relaxing.

“I have no idea what I’m doing, Dan.” Phil looked pleadingly into Dan’s eyes. He needed help.

Dan rolled his eyes.

“Well, its Martyn, what does he like?”

“I don’t know. Games, silly things.”

“Okay, so how about we organise a game? It can end in a party, with dancing or whatever, but we can have some fun first.”

“But what…Wait, I have an idea!” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for leaving like this.   
> I wanted to have a scene at the wedding where Dan hears Phil's speech about love, and realises he(dan) has broken rule 1. Then Dan would go back to their hotel room and leave a note saying "Rule number one". On his way out (he then runs away) he would run into Phil and Martyn who are talking about him, and Phil thinks he's overheard something when he hasn't. Phil goes back to the hotel room, thinks Dan is accusing him of breaking the first rule, so goes to the train station to find him. They have a whole moment of "I'm so sorry I didn't mean to break the rule, can't we just stay friends" And then "You didn't break it I did." And then a whole "wait whaaaaat" moment. And they live happily ever after.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, this chapter is short but the fic might be pretty long, I've actually bothered planning it out which is more than I can say for other fics I've written. I'll update once or twice a week, I've already got a fair bit written, cause I'm stuck inside and bored.   
> As always, comment, come say hi @gay-internet-mafia on Tumblr it will really make my day.   
> Love y'all


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